An Open Letter to Warren Ellis

May 10, 2007 at 5:25 pm (Comic Books)

Dear Mr. Ellis,

Look, I’m sorry about what happened between us. In all honesty, i just like checking your blog regularly, and needed to track something for my Convergence Journalism class here at the University of Massachusetts. It was not some vendetta-driven towards you, or any such thing, though i did try to tear apart your work from day one. I think it was the fact that you recycle so many of your ideas that got me all sanctimonious.

First, I just want you to understand that everything seen in this blog was posted for a class of mine: meaning i’m writing for my grade and don’t really worry about material in this blog beyond that. For God’s sake, look 5 entries back and you’ll see me pulling a rookie blogger mistake by cutting and pasting sections from newsblogs directly into the rich text editor here. My point is, don’t go thinking i started some Warren Ellis fan site every time i used the “Ellis Watch” category in a post.

There’s just a whole lot of crazy shit going on in your site, so i wanted to further it’s reach and bit and get my homework done at the same time. For example, you’ve got to admit that the amount of attention you allot Katie West’s crappy contrived photos is staggering. Do you really have a series called The Weekly Katie West? Can you even tell me why she deserves my attention? Are you gonna get her on Suicide Girls or something? Did she maybe give you brains at a ComicCon 5 years ago, then threatening to go public with it if u didn’t do as she said? How else could you explain the presence of pictures like this?

Like i said, contrived, sex-kitten bullshit.

I did appreciate the attention you gave me on your blog all those weeks ago. I was certainly very flattered by it. But it did suck to have a bunch of your flunkies try to tear me a new one since i don’t know shit about the inner workings of comic book selling.

And i swear, if that was really Tony Beddard who tried to scold me after that whole Doktor Sleepless coupon fiasco i’m gonna shoot myself, because that means i got talked down to by the stupid shit head who helped ruin Exiles. Oh, and if you’re reading this: fuck you for killing off Morph behind my back, Tony.

Yeah, and fuck Chris Claremont’s old ass to. Much like pizza, the older he gets the worse anything that comes out of him is. When will someone cut his hands off, anyway? It’d be the only way to stop him from writing anymore bad comic books.

Sorry where was I…oh Warren, maybe you’re still there. I was just saying how much i liked tracking your blog. Keep in mind, dude, without you i’d have never discovered Ideal or Regenesis, which are hands down my favorite shows. Hell, I’ve been buying nearly everything with you name on it since i first read The Authority and Transmet when i was 18 maybe? Shit, i even bought one of your Edison Hate Future T-Shirts (The revenge one i think). I’m wearing it in my videoblog which is attached to my profile, like you’ll check it.

At any rate, i hope things won’t be awkward and that you’ll come to my Christmas party like last year. I’d had no idea you knew that many hookers until they all came down the chimney and infected everyone’s gennies with the clap. Keep writing, old boy. I’ll keep buying.

Love, Caleb

(By the way, this entry itself was just another assignment for the class.)


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